I was skimming over a friend’s book collection a few months ago. I browsed through her numerous books covering every topic from world travel to quantum physics. There was one book that stuck out like a sore thumb from the other mature and sophisticated reads: Jenna Jameson’s How To Make Love Like A Porn Star. I was instantly intrigued, and wondered how this sexy how-to book got mixed in with the other tame and acceptable mainstream topics.
It got me thinking about what was socially acceptable. Sex is always something not openly displayed for the world to see. We have to actively search for it, and then we store it under our bed or in our nightstand. It would be interesting if people could be honest about who they are and display their porn collection in the living room next to their National Geographic and TV Guide. It might lead to an open discourse about the unrealistic expectations the sex industry sets. As I read Jenna’s book it became clear that she is a very weak-minded person that has allowed (and invited) countless occasions for mental and sexual abuse to take up residency in her soul. I’m not sure she realizes how unworthy she really is to offer any advice to girls and women. All I got from the book was that:
Girls in porn don’t have orgasms on camera EVER!!!
Boys that start viewing pornography at a young age before their first sexual experience condition themselves to only have sex like a porn star. This causes so many problems. Boys aren’t learning how to please their partners — they are learning how to jack hammer their mark for the most visually pleasing pop shot. The lesson they’ll never learn is:
Girls are tricky; we need things to climax, and
Sex like a porn star doesn’t cut it.
I hope that most girls are comfortable enough to have that difficult conversation. If they don’t, then they enable their guys to think their performance is effective. Guys are usually too simple to catch on to your rhythmic groaning and your lack of vaginal moisture. I know you would rather keep up the illusion of being a satisfied sex kitten, but
You’re not helping your relationship by pretending.
It will escalate overtime if you don’t speak up. If you have ever made love like a lover you know that cheep thrills and fetishes don’t measure up to satisfying sex. Making love like a lover is where both partners are equally invested and care about pleasing the other. I think the adventures in sexual experimentation are really attempts to find satisfaction from meaningless sex. The search for meaning in meaningless sex will always leave you feeling empty and searching for more, as the craving for the next thrill sets in. I have heard about this getting out of hand.
Couples that aren’t pleased sexually
=> Start to entertain the thoughts of sexual exploration
=> Then they flirt with the desire to fulfill a vivid fantasy
=> Ultimately, they act on it
If you’ve entered into the binding restrictions of marriage, and if you think you have found a shortcut to conscience-stricken gratification by manipulating your spouse into situations that make you feel less guilty about having sex with other people, I’m afraid all you did was thicken the plot. It never satisfies the craving — it just makes the problems crystal clear. He wasn’t wanting to heat up your sex life, girls… he was wanting to heat up his. To the guys: your wife just went along with it to make you happy. You selfishly inflicted her with conflicting emotions about love relationships, true intentions and sex, just so you could get your rocks off. You should have:
Spared her the sexual abuse and just told her you don’t love her enough to not want to see her
get plowed by another dude...
I always tend to agree with the testosterone-driven side of the relationship equation. Estrogen-enriched beings are passive-aggressive loons who have fine-tuned the parallel arts of entitlement and victimization. We really are the reason for our troubles, and the fact that our simple counterparts aren’t mind-readers and can only go by what we tell them or don’t makes the fault entirely ours. I love the saying, “The only dumb question is the one that isn’t asked,” which means that leaving important questions off the table till after dessert is
an entrapment strategy.
All of our relationship expectations should be digesting before the appetizers are even ordered. I’m trying to find a way to mentally allow myself to place the blame entirely on the guy, but I don’t think I can do it. It’s a calibration from both sides.
I‘ve had 5 girlfriends sporadically placed through my life that were in troubled marriages because their husbands preferred pornography over marital sex. My friends had convinced themselves that pornography was the only problem in their marriages. I don’t get it why would a guy choose the humiliating option of airbrushed fantasy over the bitter, angry, overweight, still-in-the-same-pajamas-when-you-get-home-from-a- hard-days-work-to-no-dinner-on-the-table, nagging ball and chain. I felt sorry for the guys; their wives did everything in their power to make their husbands miserable for inconveniencing their delusion and for forcing their wife (with all the adjectives above) to view reality. With one exception, all of their marriages have resulted in an inevitable divorce. So I conclude that
Pornography doesn’t cause bad marriages it keeps you in them…