When I moved to Austin, everybody would talk about all the things I had to do and needed to see. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre House was first on everybody’s list. I wasn’t really interested in seeing a house where a massacre took place, still everybody insisted. I started doing
some research about this infamous slaughterhouse and the blood bath that took place there in the 1970s.
What I found was very interesting: a whole lot of NOTHING…No newspaper
articles, no mug shots of Leatherface, and no death certificate for Grandpa.
It’s all fabricated.
Still, people swear that this gruesome event actually happened — a
friend of friend knew the family.
Whatever.
I see how it could be exciting to live where a historic event took
place, but a chainsaw-wielding cross-dresser and his enabling family? It kind of makes me sick.
I can’t fact people into submission — they would rather believe the
story. Not such a huge departure from our country’s history (or
history in general): full of fabrications, and exaggerations,
Thanksgiving, I cannot tell a lie about cherry trees, ect. The
hypocrisies aren’t hidden; you just have to look in places that
haven’t been filtered into being flattering and school
textbook-appropriate.
I am fascinated with child development and the fact that no parent
will ever get this very tricky responsibility right. Seeing the pure,
trusting excitement that a child feels when they know that Santa has
brought presents, or that the Easter bunny has scattered chocolate
eggs all over the backyard, may come at a price. The smiles are
warming to our hearts, but has some kind of eventual emotional damage
taken place at their expense? I can only speak for myself, but I
couldn’t help but feel confused and lied to when I found out
one-by-one that
the holiday characters that I thought loved me didn’t exist
not to mention
having all the infinite dreams and magic smashed into millions of sparkly shards that blew away with all of my possibilities.
After I learned that all the holiday magic was a big, fat lie, I found
myself questioning my faith in God. It’s like the boy who cried wolf;
after so many false alarms, I wasn’t going to fall for it again. Oh
yeah sure, God’s real… It was a very harsh reality check.
I would love to conduct an experiment with children being raised in
reality: pure and simple, no lies or candy-coated concepts. I would
just like to see if they were more realistic in life choices, more
selfless, and more contributing as a whole. Don’t worry Moms: I will
never have babies. My sister nearly killed me when I told my niece
that Santa was really her mommy and daddy. She still hasn’t forgiven
me for it, and my niece still chose to believe in Santa.
The Mental Ward 
i’m not afraid to try that… what would this child-rearing ‘experiment’ be called? everyone needs an heavier dose of reality, it wouldn’t hurt to start at an early age!
I concur. I wonder what would happen if children were raised unsheltered from the truth. Perhaps there would be less chainsaw wielding psycho cross dressers…xxx
I have a 19 month old and I have no desire to give him any media/religious fabrications. Presents – mommy did it. How was the earth created – I dont know. I’ll let you know how it turns out.
Thoughtful post. For me last part was best. Yes i also believe that children must be raised with reality.
The truth will set you free. My Father was never read fairy tales as a child. And when he read one to me, I was about 6, and I laughed when he completely mispronounced Rapunzel. He is a great man, but very inflexible. Everything is black and white, no middle ground at all, and if it doesn’t make sense to him, then it should not exist.
While I think we coddle children way too much these days in the name of political correctness, a fairy tale may not hurt every now and then. After all, what is life without a little bit of magic? 😉
I agree. All the lying is weird (and I’ve always wondered about the Texas Chainsaw Massacre). But maybe those childhood tales are what teach us to be curious and question common beliefs. Most children don’t learn the truth about Santa until they realize it’s just not feasible and start asking questions for themselves. And then others learn from their aunt… 😉
We decided when we had kids not to get into strange traditions that surround holidays. Christmas has nothing to do with Santa, in my mind, and Easter has even less to do with a bunny. I think you make a good point about how these lies send a mixed message to kids. I wouldn’t want my kids to establish some link in their mind from a realization that their favorite holiday character is not real to a disbelief in God.
Fantastic piece of work! My 13-year-old daughter is just starting to leave childhood things – Santa, the Easter Bunny – behind and it’s tough to watch. You raise some interesting points, young lady!
Well, I am raising my kids just like this. I have never-ever mentioned Santa, Easter Bunny or any of that other stuff. I do not have time for the foolishness.
My mom had such a traumatic experience finding out that Santa wasn’t real that she made sure we knew from a young age that it was a story. We were encouraged to pick out toys ourselves for charity drives for other kids – that way we understood the message of the season was more about giving and loving, rather than mythical figures that (according to my darling mom) eventually turn out not to be real and just break your heart. Great post – love the insight!
Nice piece! Love your conversational writing style. Really sucks the reader in.
Love this post – have been working on one called When speculation becomes truth on this whole idea. The troubling thing is that in our society (increasingly illiterate to anything but soundbites) speculation becomes fact very quickly. And I am also delighted that the chainsaw massacre is not fact…..
Ah! I went to Catholic school, and one day around Christmas I go running to my parents exclaiming that Sister Therese is a big fat wipple wearing liar because she said Santa (Saint Nick) is dead. Because there is a figure in the bible who lived, did stuff for kids, died and was cannonized. Now, my parents have to choose….they either affirm my Nun is a liar or cop to there being no Santa. That was a bizarre year.
Hi Jessica. Loved your post. You’ll be happy to know that my husband and I raised our children without Santa or the Easter Bunny anywhere in sight. They are 27 and 29 and have thanked us for it, and it stood us well when we were unemployed for a season and they knew that anything they received was due to the love an sacrifice of their parents and relatives. Now my mother-in-law refused to speak to us for years because she felt we were screwing over our kids. Except for my husband, her kids were nothing to write home about so I took my chances.
I did raise them with the knowledge that there was a God. It was a good thing and as I watch them make that God their own, I see (for the most part), we did good. Unfortunately, our definition was clocked with a lot of religiosity. What we didn’t do well is what was needed to keep them from kicking the concept of God into the fantasy corner where Santa and the Easter Bunny were discarded.
1) I should have told them we also believed in science (Science=answers the “what, how, and when” of Earth and Man; God=answers the “who” and “why” of Earth and Man). Because I leaned too heavily on the Creation story without connecting the dots between Science and God, they lost faith for a season in our parenting because they couldn’t figure out how their parents could be so smart in some things, but so dumb to believe God had created the world in just 6 days. We did them a diservice. For a season, they blocked their ears to all we had to say which was quite detrimental.
2) I should have told them, that even though we were Christians and believe in God, there were many things we didn’t know and we could be wrong about some of the things we told them. That would have been the elasticity they needed in their search for God as college students when faith is most assailed, and it would have given them a greater flexibility to find their way.
Both the girls are now 27 and 29. The child that had the hardest transition is the one that is the most “religious” now and is iron-clad in her trust and views. The child who believes in Jesus but still has doubts, loves him for who he is and what he stood for but hates the way his followers represent him. The irony of it all is that her parents have joined her in that same journey. The older we’ve become the less sure we are of a lot of things except that God does exist. It’s a mystery! 🙂
Really good! I’m in the same boat for the most part. I’ve seen a priest use my Church as a political maneuvering and he is now Bishop of the Diocese. Not just him but several other figures/mascots of which are supposed to set the example.
It’s not like I expect perfection but it’s like something is…broken in them to even try and be an upstanding representation.
Reality is fine…but a world of 100% reality without any fantasy is a hopeless existance. I submit a balance is necessary, yet no one can claim a hold on what that balance is. Santa, God, the Easter Bunny, Jesus and Michelle Bachman may not exist (that last one is more of a wish) but the ideas behind them (except Michelle) are well worth noting. You want reality, then I suggest:
1) Never…NEVER turn on the TV.
2) Stop reading newspapers and 98% of all magazines
3) Home school all children
4) Trash your computers, or at least stay off the internet.
5) Ignore everything originating from government
6) Raise and grow your own food
would be a big change…
It’s a tough call. I remember how hurt I was when I found out about Santa. There’s a whole lot of societal pressure going both ways on this.
True we shouldn’t say that those fictional characters exist. But I know that some kids will still be hard-headed like myself. My parents didn’t celebrate Christmas the traditional way. We waited until 12:00 AM on Christmas day to open presents. But I still told my mother that Santa existed and that he was real. Not saying i disagree, because i totally do, but media is still out there and people believe that more than whats in front of their eyes.
I love Austin
I love Austin too. I miss it lots…
Wait… there are people that believe Leatherface was real? Are you serious!? 😀 bwaaahahahahahaa!!
Thanks, I needed that!
Oh and regarding the lies to kids and all that – as a fairly cynical person and atheistically inclined person myself – I know what you mean about the potential damage and all that. But at the same time there is a part of me that tells me that kids should be allowed to BE kids and there are few things I appreciate more as an adult today then an active and versatile imagination and open-mind.
Id also like kids to be a kid and retain that innocence and magical outlook as long as possible because most people lose it too easily and grow up to be sad, imagination-less drones.
Its eternally debatable though, so who knows who’s right and which reasons are as well.
Cheers.
I don’t think our society currently values facts. Instead, we’d rather make them up these days.
IIRC, Leatherface was based on Ed Gein who did make masks of human skin among his many other horrible hobbies (I think Norman Bates was a Gein knock-off too). But of course, lived in Wisconsin (a friend of mine swears her aunt knew him–whether it’s true, I know not).
Yes the same info I found. Thank you 🙂 ~Jess
Hi Jessica,
I liked your post. My wife is religious, I am anything but. Our newly adopted daughter goes to church with her but I made it clear that I would not lie about things when my daughter asks questions. I am going to be doing my next post on the true origins of Christmas in a couple days. I think you will like it. Take care.
I like your thought process on that and I too would be interested to see how that works out, if it would make a difference in a child’s decisions and thought process. My children talk about Santa but they know that me and their dad is Santa. Now that I think about it neither of my children believe in any holiday fictitious character but they do believe in God.
As you are fascinated with child development I am fascinated with the general thought process of people and how life experiences directly or indirectly affect our decision making and character.
Pingback: The different kinds of mistakes. « Fraser Sherman's Blog
I was raised without Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. My parents were extremely religious and regarded encouragement of such things as blasphemy. The effects of not believing in Santa Claus was actually devastating for me. I was always left out, always had to be careful not to spoil it for my peers, and always secretly hoping just once I could pretend there were some man out there I didn’t know who loved me just because. This childhood without the ignorant joy of believing in someone who isn’t real caused me to rebel against the notion that there is a loving God out there somewhere. So when I had my own daughter I chose to raise her differently: we do Santa, Easter Bunny, and Tooth Fairy. Will she struggle with the concept of God later? Undoubtedly. We all do no matter what our parents told us. Will she blame me for it? Yes. She will. BECAUSE WE ALL BLAME OUR PARENTS. But am I doing what I feel is right based upon my own experiences? Sure am. And I have faith enough to believe that if she experiences the same loss as you did upon realizing there is no Santa, she will handle it, and one day, hopefully, forgive me for doing the best I could but falling a little short. Parenting is tricky. There is no strictly right or wrong approach. But, thankfully, kids are much smarter and resilient that we adults are. And I believe allowing my daughter to believe in magic, as well as practicality and logic, will lead her to be one pretty well rounded kid.
Very well said!!
Pingback: Question For The Week « For Fathers
Let’s take it a step further … how many of us freely and recklessly use the word “believe”? I believe in global warming (or not), I believe in Big Foot, I believe in our Founding Father’s vision for this country … whatever.
Why do we say “believe” as opposed to “know” or “understand”?
Most of the time when someone says “believe,” it really means “even though I haven’t really researched it much, and no amount of fact or science will ever get me to change my mind.”
It would be funny if it weren’t so important.
But here’s the real problem: Information expands exponentially. The average iPhone contains as much data as every library on the planet just 200 years ago. And it’s just plain impossible for any of us to really know more than 0.0001% of all that there is to know. And yet, no one wants to admit their ignorance.
I run with a fairly bi-polar crowd, politically speaking. And it cracks me up that both groups, the very conservative and the very liberal, are so certain that they know it all. They “believe” in so many things, when it’s just practically impossible for anyone to be an expert on so many different issues.
Maybe it’s time we all stopped believing, and admitted that the world is just a wee bit bigger than our little corner of it.
Cheers!