This time last year I was settled in my life of obligations. I worked 40 hours a week I kept my home in order, I paid all of my bills early and was in a 15 year marriage with someone I rarely saw. I was trying to build a home and a life full of happiness with someone who didn’t have time for me. I’ve been alone for a long time. I’m still trying to play catch-up to my feelings. I was numb to everything. I felt guilty for being unfulfilled with my life I had everything possession wise a person could need or want. So much money spent on things to keep me distracted and detached from reality.
I took the leap and ended my marriage. I wasn’t prepared for the reactions from my family and friends. It was clear that my choice to end my marriage was going to cost me more than the loss of a husband. The games began, teams were chosen, and I wasn’t going to play. I left everything behind my family, my animals, the house I tried to make a home, my job all of my earthly possessions and keepsakes I’ve collected over my life time.
I was blessed with a second chance ironically where I left my life fifteen years earlier. I moved back to my hometown of San Diego from Austin Texas and life hasn’t slowed down. I was fortunate enough to live in a cute love nest on the beach in La Jolla one of the most breathtaking places in the country. With one of the most breathtaking people in the world. Together we walked the shoreline to that pier and back day and night working through our confusion, frustration, hurt, and fears. Those therapeutic walks helped heal us and breathe life back into each other. I have rediscovered that I can love, I have learned that forgiveness is a true necessity for healing, and that forgiving yourself is the hardest step. My anger at God made me feel unworthy to pray. Something changed in me the day I let go of my pride and just did it.
So now I’m a stay-at-home step-mother of three who attends church regularly, meets her husband everyday for lunch, and couldn’t be happier.