It really sucks that all of the huge life molding choices take place in our youth. Our decisions on education, marriage, body piercing/tattoos, children, and sexual orientation are all made before we are set-in-stone adults. It’s really scary if you think about it. We have made all of our life-changing accommodations under the influence of hormone-induced rebellion.
I got married when I was 16. At that point in my life I couldn’t foresee my husband and I growing apart. We were madly in love. I felt lucky and blessed to have dodged the whole incestuous dating game and heartache crap. I was getting a head start on being a grown up.
It was interesting to witness the gradual progression of my maturity. I was growing into a person I could be proud of. In contrast, my husband remained forever stuck in his vegetative state of slothful laziness. I felt guilty for being humiliated by him. It was something I struggled with often. His lack of manners, and his inability to offer even the smallest stimulating thought was arduous. I would dream that one day he would be the person I needed: someone who challenged my opinions, and someone who didn’t have a sick addiction to fast food and his Xbox360. I would look at him and think, “How the hell did I end up with someone vastly different from myself?”
People would ask me how we ended up with each other. We just look awkward together. He was unkempt and overweight, and I was fit and pulled together. I spoke with articulate clarity and he spoke with a slurred southern drawl, and used every stereotypical redneck phrase known to man. It made me feel like I was married to someone who didn’t respect me enough to try to look nice for me. He just couldn’t be bothered. I remember having difficult conversations with him about how I wish he was interested in something other than video games, or how I wished he didn’t eat unhealthy food. His reply was always “no you don’t.” This made me the bad guy, metaphorically putting a huge ink stamp across my forehead that said, “Doesn’t have a sensitive bone her body!!” The tricky situation I found myself in was this: by me confessing that I had a problem with his weight, I was somehow unsupportive and was the cause of his self-loathing. But in truth he had no intention of changing, and by calling me insensitive he could guilt me off of his scent so he could keep living how he wanted.
I find it very telling that after our separation he started to lose weight, and dress differently. See… he’s setting his trap for the next sucker. I think it’s the only way lazy people can get someone to marry them. You have to trick them into falling in love with you by marketing yourself as someone else and then when you get them you flip the switch and tell them it’s their fault you got fat and lazy. Now tell the truth — how many times have you seen this scenario play out?
It’s a cautionary tale we need to be teaching to our children. Don’t prematurely seal your fate. You will grow and change along with your choices. Don’t make the wrong ones or you will trap yourself in a life that isn’t you…