I was thinking it would be fun to list all of the helpful hints I have
discovered to simplify my life. Feel free to comment and share yours.


I keep a box of matches in every bathroom in
my house. My ex-husband has the most rancid digestion problems due to his poor diet. It was difficult and frustrating to express my discontent when he thought it was so funny. My brother told me that
lighting a match would neutralize the mustard gas bombs that were
launched like clockwork on a daily basis in my presence. It worked,
thank God. The habit stuck and I never have to walk into a
gastrointestinal ambush again. It’s also helpful when you find
yourself in a new relationship where you’re not quite comfortable when
it comes to colon evacuation. As an extra precaution keep a box of wet
naps handy too.

Two-Sided Sponge

I always used the abrasive side of my sponge when I did my dishes. I would have the hardest time getting my Tupperware squeaky clean. I was watching a
special on The Food Network hosted by my favorite Food Network personality Alton Brown. He scientifically demonstrated how simply flipping my sponge from the scrubby side to wash my grease laced plastic would not only properly clean them but it would produce that
squeaky clean sound that has the same addictive appeasement I get when
I pop bubble wrap.


I always keep an olive oil dispenser of bleach to the right of my dish washing sink. My mother had told me years ago about a salmonella study she read about.
The group conducting the study had a woman prepare a chicken dinner for her family, and clean as she went so her kitchen would be tidy when dinner was ready. They tested her visually spotless kitchen and found thriving salmonella all over her counter tops, cabinet fixtures, sink and dishes. The next day they had her do it again. The same meal with the exact same method of cleanup only this time she was asked to add 10 drops of bleach to her dishwater. The findings were remarkable.
No salmonella could be found. I was instantly converted and have been
a devout follower ever since. I practice my belief every time I wash
my dishes. I also use bleach-water to wash all of my fresh veggies, fruits,
and herbs. I was skeptical when my husband explained his method of
produce preservation but the proof is in the plums. By dipping rinsing
and draining all of our fresh produce I have witnessed the doubling of
their life expectancy, and no one has sprouted a third eye. Well not

Instead Cups

I use insteads instead of tampons. They work like a diaphragm cupping the
cervix to collect blood flow. You can wear them for up to 12 hours and
will never again have to go through the disgusting reminder that it’s
your time of the month when you unmindfuly pee on your tampon string.
When I first started using them I was preoccupied with concern over
leakage. Surprisingly there has never been an occurrence, and for you
brave women sex is magically back on the menu. I have always been
scared that the rim of the instead although soft and pliable would
somehow rake across my partners penis during intercourse rendering him
out of commission till further notice. I am usually very tender on the
first day of my period so I never use them until day two. In the
beginning I would recommend using the shower for evacuation of menstrual
emissions. Just until you get your angles right.

Baking Soda

Heartburn was a common thing in my last life. I would get it all the time, and had trouble finding something that gave me lasting relief. I was watching an episode of food detectives they said If you drink a small amount of baking soda dissolved in cold water It will instantly neutralize your heartburn and make you belch a tune of appeasement without the acid reflux. It works just make sure you drink it fast because it tastes absolutely putrid.


This is for the guys. When your girlfriend /wife/ whatever is obviously upset with you, but when you ask what’s wrong their reply is “Nothing“ usually it’s because they’ve found something incriminating while snooping through your stuff. The only way to nip it in the bud is to call them out on it. Have fun with this little nugget of knowledge, and report back to me.

No Pockets No Longer

All of the modern styles of jeans seem to be designed for shapeless twigs. I have hips! I love them but wrapping the gift God gave me in the wrong packaging can be an unflattering no-no. I really hated that
I could see the bottom of my front pockets
across my thighs. I would bunch them up so it wasn’t visible anymore but all that did was give the illusion of having a kind of stretched camel toe. So I cut out my pockets and fixed the problem. My jeans fit better at my hips but I still had a problem with my pockets gaping open so I sewed them shut. I do this with all of my jeans and slacks. It gives a much more flattering fit and you don’t have to contend with
compromising bumps and bulges that give the illusion of a belly pooch
or could be mistaken for a tranny boner.

There’s a lot more but I think this is enough to get started. I’m
excited to hear all of your helpful hints so don’t be shy….