I was thinking it would be fun to list all of the helpful hints I have
discovered to simplify my life. Feel free to comment and share yours.
Matchbox
I keep a box of matches in every bathroom in
my house. My ex-husband has the most rancid digestion problems due to his poor diet. It was difficult and frustrating to express my discontent when he thought it was so funny. My brother told me that
lighting a match would neutralize the mustard gas bombs that were
launched like clockwork on a daily basis in my presence. It worked,
thank God. The habit stuck and I never have to walk into a
gastrointestinal ambush again. It’s also helpful when you find
yourself in a new relationship where you’re not quite comfortable when
it comes to colon evacuation. As an extra precaution keep a box of wet
naps handy too.
I always used the abrasive side of my sponge when I did my dishes. I would have the hardest time getting my Tupperware squeaky clean. I was watching a
special on The Food Network hosted by my favorite Food Network personality Alton Brown. He scientifically demonstrated how simply flipping my sponge from the scrubby side to wash my grease laced plastic would not only properly clean them but it would produce that
squeaky clean sound that has the same addictive appeasement I get when
I pop bubble wrap.
I always keep an olive oil dispenser of bleach to the right of my dish washing sink. My mother had told me years ago about a salmonella study she read about.
The group conducting the study had a woman prepare a chicken dinner for her family, and clean as she went so her kitchen would be tidy when dinner was ready. They tested her visually spotless kitchen and found thriving salmonella all over her counter tops, cabinet fixtures, sink and dishes. The next day they had her do it again. The same meal with the exact same method of cleanup only this time she was asked to add 10 drops of bleach to her dishwater. The findings were remarkable.
No salmonella could be found. I was instantly converted and have been
a devout follower ever since. I practice my belief every time I wash
my dishes. I also use bleach-water to wash all of my fresh veggies, fruits,
and herbs. I was skeptical when my husband explained his method of
produce preservation but the proof is in the plums. By dipping rinsing
and draining all of our fresh produce I have witnessed the doubling of
their life expectancy, and no one has sprouted a third eye. Well not
yet!
I use insteads instead of tampons. They work like a diaphragm cupping the
cervix to collect blood flow. You can wear them for up to 12 hours and
will never again have to go through the disgusting reminder that it’s
your time of the month when you unmindfuly pee on your tampon string.
When I first started using them I was preoccupied with concern over
leakage. Surprisingly there has never been an occurrence, and for you
brave women sex is magically back on the menu. I have always been
scared that the rim of the instead although soft and pliable would
somehow rake across my partners penis during intercourse rendering him
out of commission till further notice. I am usually very tender on the
first day of my period so I never use them until day two. In the
beginning I would recommend using the shower for evacuation of menstrual
emissions. Just until you get your angles right.
Heartburn was a common thing in my last life. I would get it all the time, and had trouble finding something that gave me lasting relief. I was watching an episode of food detectives they said If you drink a small amount of baking soda dissolved in cold water It will instantly neutralize your heartburn and make you belch a tune of appeasement without the acid reflux. It works just make sure you drink it fast because it tastes absolutely putrid.
This is for the guys. When your girlfriend /wife/ whatever is obviously upset with you, but when you ask what’s wrong their reply is “Nothing“ usually it’s because they’ve found something incriminating while snooping through your stuff. The only way to nip it in the bud is to call them out on it. Have fun with this little nugget of knowledge, and report back to me.
All of the modern styles of jeans seem to be designed for shapeless twigs. I have hips! I love them but wrapping the gift God gave me in the wrong packaging can be an unflattering no-no. I really hated that
I could see the bottom of my front pockets
across my thighs. I would bunch them up so it wasn’t visible anymore but all that did was give the illusion of having a kind of stretched camel toe. So I cut out my pockets and fixed the problem. My jeans fit better at my hips but I still had a problem with my pockets gaping open so I sewed them shut. I do this with all of my jeans and slacks. It gives a much more flattering fit and you don’t have to contend with
compromising bumps and bulges that give the illusion of a belly pooch
or could be mistaken for a tranny boner.
There’s a lot more but I think this is enough to get started. I’m
excited to hear all of your helpful hints so don’t be shy….
On My Square said:
I am not trying that ‘calling her out on it’ part… you trying to get me double back slapped?????????
Great post!
Jessica Ward said:
Oh man!! You’re on to me…
alphasiren said:
Tranny boner??? LOL! Ok, I too cut my jean pockets~ but I had never thought of that! The other danger word for men instead of “nothing” is the word “fine” Fyi~
Would be psyched to try something without a string!
Kisses!
A/s
August McLaughlin said:
Thank you for demystifying the ‘instead’ cups! The photos I’ve seen make them look like plastic nut cups and anything but comfortable. Definitely worth checking out.
25swf said:
I’ve used the diva cup for some years now! Same concept as the “Instead.” Why did no one tell us about this?! I always thought there were only 2 options. Tampons/pads. It wasn’t until I took a collegiate level Women’s Health class that I discovered this. I find that to be sad.
singleandspunky said:
I loved this! Your hints are about to all be put into practice in my place! I’m excited….well, I’m still thinking about the “instead” cups, but I’m down for trying it….um, can you find those at just any store? I don’t recall seeing them…? OH and just to clarify, you light the match AFTER the fact right? 🙂
Jessica Ward said:
When I lived in Austin I could buy Insteads just about anywhere. Now that I live in San Diego I had to go hunting around. I eventually found them at Walgreens and Rite Aid, but find it’s convenient to just buy them online and have them shipped to my house. Oh yes!!! The match should be lit after the fact…
http://www.drugstore.com/instead-soft-cup/qxp40597?catid=184076&aid=336064&aparam=instead%20softcups&scinit1=instead%20softcups
singleandspunky said:
You live in SD?…hmmmmm interesting! I do as well…perhaps we should meet up for a bloggers lunch/coffee one day!
Jessica Ward said:
Very intriguing. We could have our own little Bloggers society
adalamar said:
Love this! I keep matches in my bathroom too! And the rest of the hints are very useful;. Thanks for sharing!
Desiree Wolfe said:
Great, great, great post! I’m excited to start washing my produce in bleach and bleed in a cup. Ya know, had I said that to anyone in general they would look at me like I already had the third eye…
sanfranciscocara said:
The bleach example really freaks me out, especially since I am a secret slob. lol Thanks for sharing a very personal story in your “About Me” as well. That’s very courageous. I used to live in La Jolla ~ what a beautiful place! I’ve opened up a new chapter in my life here in San Francisco and love it.
nicole said:
my helpful hint? if you’re trying to end bulimia, don’t keep food in your refrigerator!
Rick Brown said:
What a terrific post, Jessica. The matches in the bathroom is a classic. All of them are very helpful. Here are a couple I know:
Baking soda is also great for sprinkling in bathtub water for (how should I say this?), minor “backside” irritation from diarrhea and other similar maladies.
A table spoonful of Coca-Cola can help settle a stomach that is queezy from illness.
Fairly sure I will think of others as the day goes by.
singleandspunky said:
Jessica,
I have nominated you for the Liebster award! Come see my link to read more! http://singleandspunky.wordpress.com/2011/12/01/liebster-blog-award/
have a lovely day!@
societyred said:
I just love the way you write! Great suggestions…researching the salmonella thing right now-wow!
Something that we do at our house is keep an older washcloth near the bathroom sink on the counter for wiping any water, etc. after teeth brushing and hand washing. I hate when people leave splashed water all over the counter…speaking of splashing, wouldn’t it be nice if everyone had to sit to pee? It IS a choice, it doesn’t indicate femininity and when properly employed, the “toilet seat was left up” issue never comes into play! Just sayin’
Jessica Ward said:
Everyone in my home sits to pee, and for that I’m grateful! It’s just more sanitary. Great Hints!!
philosophermouseofthehedge said:
Matches are very old school – we used to laugh at the “ancient relatives” with those boxes in the bath – when you get buy perfumed sprays….except those sprays are so obnoxious – so back to matches! Yea!
jscardwell said:
I really don’t know what to say about what I just read, but I know find myself oddly intrigued with your blog!
erockthepay said:
Hey, I noticed that you clicked “like” on one of my posts, so i thought i would look at your page. This is freakin brilliant. I love it. you now have one more follower. thanks for sharing.
slaintelbc said:
Thanks for sharing!! I too, use matchboxes! I will have to try “instead”. How do they match up to tampons, price wise?
Jessica Ward said:
It’s 10 bucks for a box of 24. Now keep in mind you only use one every 12 hours. Tampons you change every 2 to 4 hours and then you use pads or super tamps overnight. My period only lasts 3 days and I don’t use Insteads on day one, so I use 4 instead cups instead of 25 to 30 tampons and 3 overnight pads. I love them but I should also point out that they are not recommended for women who use an IUD for their birth control. The IUD could get dislodged.
damenade said:
Matchboxes, interesting and funny! About the bleach and salmonella, very interesting!
SharleeSharlee said:
I am probably going to put some bleach in bottle by my sink tonight. That little story just about did me in! 🙂 Thanks for sharing these helpful hints!
Yuan Chengzhi said:
Just short cut the whole process.
Me: “What’s wrong?”
Her: “Nothing.”
Me: “Oh, crap, I’m sorry. Let me go get some chocolate and roses.”
sahfoodie said:
I’m laughing and horrified at the same time. 🙂
cryinforthedyin said:
Hello..Thank you for the ‘like’. I recieved your message and thank you. It appears your life has turned a putrid share of green at times. Personally and I rarely do this..at night I take a tums..or something else to absorb acid so it will not make gas..in the morning I smoke a little something from the old collective..does wonders for the digestion. We do have emergency procedures..Such as saying loudly to my wife..(in the case of esp. obtuse reports)..’moose is in mating season’..for the neighbors..should they hear. There are several. We baby sit a little dog. Our beautiful cat Kuala Bear died of old age..20 1/2..when she went to the box she flatualted..yes..long farts..the dog would bark at them. When one of us would cut loose he would leave the room. We are not stinky or often so he must have had a bad experience as a pup. Well, I miss the cat..the dog will probably return for sitting..and I am going to my shrink to find out why I comment in comedy and truth about farts. The last time I tried to figure this out I defined ‘fart’ as the cheeks of the perps ass slapping together in rapid succession..:-)..Peace Tony
digitalvoyage said:
Hiya Jessica =o)
Thanks for the likes and I’m diggin’ your posts as well. You seem like a very level headed Lady.
I have added you to my blog roll, I hope you don’t mind, please let me know if you”d rather me not.
Please feel free to share my posts with others as it will help get the word out!
Coming East said:
I am going to try that baking soda remedy and see if it works better than zantac or tums.
jimmiesworld said:
Yep, the bakng soda one works. When you burb it will feel like your head is going to fly off, but the relief is instant. Well done.
GraceLynneFleming said:
o my goodness – that first helpful hint has me LAUGHING SO HARD. I read it to my boyfriend bc I totally understand bc if HIS PROBLEMS…ew.. so funny
-grace
http://herumbrella.com
beanogee said:
my g-pa was crazy for baking soda when it came to heartburn. except he didn’t even use cold water. just a spoonful straight.
chaikadai said:
my kitchen is actually in the worst condition today. there’s an odour we just haven’t been able to get out of there. i have checked every corner and crevice, wiped it clean with vinegar. sometimes i keep calling people in just to check if they can smell it too. anyway, going to try my hand at bleach too. here in india, we don’t really use dishwashers or do not have cold-hot tap water systems. So, it’s mostly just getting wet while doing the dishes. part of the fun i guess. vinegar had been my miracle medicine. but, bleach it is today.
thanks for visiting ‘flowersociety’.
with love,
Sam.
Jocellyn said:
Good idea with the bleach! I can only imagine the creepy crawlies that reside in my kitchen. I read from the book “Last Chance to Eat; The Fate of Taste In a Fast Food World” that people could consider using wooden cutting boards. Everyone shies away from them, but bacteria tends to enjoy living on them more than wooden ones. Interesting idea.
Second: have you ever consider using a reusable menstrual cup, like The Keeper, Diva, or many other brands? They’re a god send (and a little smaller around the rim then the instead cups). Check out this site for anything you’d want to know about them! http://menstrual-cups.livejournal.com/profile
carysoh1234 said:
Hi Jessica,
I’ve enjoyed reading some of your posts. “About Me” struck me particularly as you really did a bang-up job of setting BOUNDARIES to take responsibility for your life!!
Cary
Aurora, HSP said:
This was as informative as it was funny. I am a self-confessed bleach-aholic 🙂 Helpful hints, will have to think if I have any to offer, lol… see you again soon!
Chris Sheridan said:
I liked to play with matches as a kid, so for me it would be pleasantly nostalgic, as well as a way to cover up unpleasant odors. Hmm… but what I really enjoyed as a kid, was using the lit matches to light firecrackers!
Now I just have this feeling that my wife might not like it very much, if I light firecrackers in the bathroom with the matches. But I’ll try it out at least once, because nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? And if she gets really mad, well I’ll just blame you. You’re cool with that, right? Lol
littleblindgirl said:
My useful tip? When you go out on the town, give your cell phone to the designated driver. Saves the horror of the morning after realization that you drunk dialed your ex, or your crush, or your boss.
Jessica Ward said:
Now that’s just funny!!!!!
DD said:
Baking Soda is one of those cheap, forgotten (and safer) wonder substances that has all sorts of uses. There are sites and books all over the place giving hundreds of jobs for the stuff. I wonder if I can get it by the ton? Instead of bleach, I now use thyme-based germ killers. The oil extracted from the herb is just as powerful as chlorine, without the fumes. Haven’t tried it directly on food, however.
Cakes McCain said:
I love this!
bleach/olive oil dispenser and insteads are now on my shopping list!
thanks!
Glendorachick said:
HI JESSICA I SO LOVED YOUR POST IN THE MATCHES PART REALLY WORKS. MY NOW HUSBAND GOES IN THE BATHROOM IN REFUSES TO SHUT THE DOOR. AND IT LITERALLY MAKES ME WANT TO GAG LOL I FIND IT SOOTHING TO LIGHT MATCHES AFTER WARD. I ALSO USE THE BLEACH TO SPRAY MY COUNTER TOPS REGULARLY IM SO PARNOID ABOUT ALL THE DISEASES THAT COULD BE LERKING ON THEM. I ALSO WASH MY DISHES WITH BLEACH SINCE IT CLEAND MY GLASSES PERFECTLY.
mzklever said:
Smart to rinse the fruit in bleach, but be sure to leave it for 30 seconds. It takes that long for it to really sanitize. That would have saved a few lives during that listeria outbreak. ALWAYS wash your oranges, watermelons, lemons, limes, grapefruits, honeydew, cantaloupes, etc. BEFORE cutting in to them. If not, any bacteria on the outside gets on the knife and goes straight into the fruit. Keep in mind that the people picking the fruit don’t usually have access to handwashing sinks after their “colon evacuations!” LOL!
Sandy said:
Loved the matchbox part of the blog! That’s so intelligent of you 😉
peculiarpotato said:
Hello Jessica I’m PeculiarPotato.Thank-you for the thumbs up on my blog.I’ve read a couple of your blogs and I like the way you write so I will now follow and I look forward to many more of your blogs.Sincerely..P.P………………P.S.Be careful with bleach.That’s it!Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmbye.
Cakes McCain said:
Here’s another… I don’t like to use ‘Raid’ or any other toxic bug sprays so when I want to kill a fly – I spray it with glass cleaner (ie.windex) It REALLY works! Then after you can clean/wipe surfaces at the same time and there is no pesticide residue!
Klextin said:
I wanted to thank you for following my blog and for pressing the like button so many times.
I have long known about the match idea, the baking soda and bleach are new ones to me, thank you so much.
marriagecoach1 said:
I tell women in my practice that being on a period does not have to stop sex except on your heaviest day. I just put a towel underneath to protect the sheets and go for it. But I must admit the instead would make oral sex on your period possible.
John
fourbluehills said:
Terrific article!
Tommy said:
Great article. Another useful item is vinegar. A mixture of vinegar and baking soda makes an enviro-safe drain cleaner. Vinegar is one of those all-purpose foods.
Angelia Sims said:
Wow! Those are awesome tips. About the only one I can claim to know is the match one, but everything else is pretty eye-opening.
I love the story about the bleach. Thank-you for sharing!
occultoantonio said:
Hi, Jessica. On my blog there is a present for you…
mostlikelytomarry said:
Such awesome information. Thank you so much for sharing!
crawlingladybug said:
I’m so gonna try the bleach tips! thanks for the article 😀
reggiereggie said:
If Alton Brown says something, it is law.
Jenn Jennings said:
The Diva Cup rocks. I bought one the second I found out about them. Thanks for spreading the word around and lessening landfill waste and wet strings.
The Hook said:
Has this been Freshly Pressed? If not, it NEEDS to be!
A Broad at Home said:
I’m afraid “tranny boner” is something I am going to start saying all the time. Thank you for that gem.
safrisri said:
Kitchen matches are wonderful… My mom taught me that a wooden kitchen match in your mouth like a toothpick when you cut up oniions will stop tears…. works like a charm every time… have no idea why… the same mother had me stand over the kitchen sink an light a whole case of matches when in my youth i had a little fire starting problem.
read lots of your writing, like they way you think even when I don’t agree. Keep up the good work.
angelsbeauty said:
haha interesting. is washing produce with bleach healthy though? that’s what i worry about.
rsmithing said:
All solid tips, and things they don’t teach you in school. You could probably get the same results with a half bleach/half water mix (I’m talking about the bleach tip, btw, not the other tips – bleach would likely not work for those).
JeLisa | Blogging Ever After said:
1. Never heard of “Instead,” but I am all about the Diva Cup!
2. My husband never lets me get away with “nothing” anymore. In fact, if I say “nothing” is wrong it translates into “Oh, crap, what did I do?” in his mind.
3. You might’ve just changed my life with the salmonella/bleach thing. Or, at least, my kitchen habits.
Dawood Khan said:
I’ve read a lot of psych books. And a lot of books like “Love” by Leo Buscaglia
And I’ve tried to put that knowledge to work in my life.
When my GF gets her mood on…I just confront it head on. Kinda like how you say to do it. I can usually tell what it is that’s wrong. I guess it’s from reading all of those books and practicing the tools/knowledge therein. Sometimes, I think it freaks my GF out that I can read her moods with fair accuracy.
It’s good advice. I’ve found it’s better to confront these things head on that to let the problem stew and build steam.